taking exception: Dont bitch about my culture rebuild

Warning – I am done with the Ghetto name bullshit. I take exception to harsh and racist critiques of A people stripped of an historical culture are within their rights to rebuild it. If these people are also denied proper education and resources and use imagination and popular culture are a foundation for the rebuilt culture. so be it.

I am about to do a DNA test because I want to know what parts of Africa my people came from. Not because my family ignored its history and heritage but because it was stripped from me like clothing and freedom. my family is 5 generations born free in this country. A 6th generation was born slave and emancipated. thats as far back as I can go.

An East Indian friend (how prejudiced does that sound) has a daughter 2 years older than mine. She regaled me over cocktails, of the horror of teenage girls and prom and the dress and driving and boys and we laughed so had to women moving from mother to crone, laughing and yelling about those sweet maiden daughters. One story made me sad, sick to my stomach. the prom dress augment.

my friend encouraged her daughter to wear a formal sari to graduation. deflected the concern that it looked like a costume. dealt with the sexy factor and crushing comment. I’ll get it out of the way so that I dont have to deal with the traditional wedding later. we howled with laughter as my friend recalled that she told her daughter that she was paying and grown and we will see about the wedding.

I dont get to have that conversation with my daughter. we are ???? our brides wear??? I wore, my mother wore and you will wear???

It pisses me off as much as it breaks my heart. and that is the ‘light’ side of a stolen history, culture.

So much was lost in the MIDDLE PASSAGE

a life spent settling – being a good girl. for what?

 

I have spent my life settling.

Told to not make wakes, not speak up.

Be a good girl. good girls go along, make do, compromise and do for others.

And if you are a good enough girl one day some day someone will care for you will love you will listen to you. You have to be pretty enough, kind enough, sexy enough to be loved.

if you are not loved it is your fault. you didn’t do enough, weren’t good enough.

And I look at my life and I see what settling for sorry ass men and friends has gotten me.

And I look around my life and I see what never putting my self has gotten me.

And I look around my life and see what following others plan for my life and not my own has gotten me

And I look around my life and see what believing the lies of others and not listening to my truth has gotten me.

and I say no. NO! I scream NOOO! at the top of my lungs, with all my might. I scream NOOOOOOO! my lungs ache and heart beats in my ears so loudly I cant hear my voice

I scream
I cry
I wail and moan

No more going along.
no more being your victim
your patsy
slave
joke

I throw things, I bash and break it all
no no no no no no more BULLSHIT

No more giving and not getting

No More BULLSHIT

and I feel the push back – resistance and anger at the change

go ahead – try it. try to guilt/shame or force me into making you comfortable

go ahead!! push your fear on me. sell me your crazy. go ahead and try.

there i so much rage and anger here, waiting for an outlet… go ahead… I wish a mutha fukka would.

Not Your Angry Black Woman

#NOTyourAngryBlackWoman 

Is it just me –

I know that it isnt, is it just me, a black woman, somewhat militant, if militant means authentic and unapologetic, unabashed and compromised in my blackness, womaness, intellect and spirit.

Is it just me that is accused or rage in a conversation where I am not pliable and ooozing sycophantic lust for white praise and attention?

Is it just me who is angry and intimidating when I fail to offer hugs in the face of white tears.

No, I will not turn a blind eye to your privilege and how you enjoy it.

No, I dont care who you marched with used to know, date, fuck, married. None of that absolves you.

Yes, I will call you out on your failure to use terms correctly, your lack of understanding and knowledge of history.

No, I will not excuse you or make excuses for you. You are an american and this is a part of america and you have a duty to know.

I will not laugh at your NewJimCrow jokes about La-Ah, or other ghetto names – as you blithely and ignorantly forget that you benefit from your ancestors stripping these people you are creative enough to create a culture do so.

why do they?  YOU STOLE THEIRS. 

I don’t give a flying fig about DNA test and Mormon records that you offer in the face with my lost stolen history.

Don’t get me wrong, it pisses me off that you are amazingly ignorant of the crimes done against black people on this continent – so unaware that it can’t be inadvertent… it is purposeful.

So when I call foul – you can shrug innocently and wonder why I am so angry…

It is 2014, do you still really still expect me to play Carla to your Betty?

 I don’t where a uniform and I am not invisible and you can’t process that without namecalling and jesus.

The thing about education is that I learned that Martin is more like Malcolm than you want anyone to know and Rosa was more like Angela.

And Angela, Malcolm, Marcus and Ida wanted true freedom and equality and you tried to destroy them wipe them from history like Paul and Bayard, Julia and Daisy… not angry – just conscience and conscious, informed and learned, but that is was really scares you….

#NOTYOURANGRYBLACKWOMAN   #FromAlongLineOfUppityNegressesandNegroes

Respectability Politics

On the subject of Respectability Politics

 

I am disturbed that the issue of respectability politic ha reared its ugly head again. This time I the Amen corner of the President’s new MY BROTHERS KEEPERS initiative. And don’t get me wrong, I know that they are in the Amen corner because I am there to see them – AMEN!

I have tweeted and posted before about the counter productivity of respectability politics and how it serves to divide and conquer. As a 50plus year old, I put on my respectability politics blinders and condemn young men who sag their pants and young women twerking, because the last thing I want to do is hear the voice of young people.

Being Respectable has not saved black people from murder, torture or rape. A suit and tie don’t stop a bullet or feed a family. It is the man or woman inside the suit of clothes that makes the difference, that does the work,  that we attempt to shame.

My thought on Respectability Politics today is profoundly sad and shame filled. For whom am I being respectable?  WHO AM I BEING RESPECTABLE FOR? There is a condition precedent that I am not enough as I am, that I have to clean up and act right in order to be safe in my community, have protectable rights and be safe in my skin.  How is my humanity not enough? My citizenship not sufficient?  That I must look better, be better, just to get permission to be?

Respectability politics has at its core an unforgivable and unbelievable concept. That we as black people have to EARN the right to exist.  That we s black people have to prove our humanity and worthiness to exist.  That we must seek permission to be accepted as full citizens and human beings. That the basis of white supremacy is correct, as a black person, I as all other black people are fundamentally inferior to white in particular and nonblack in general.  Those of us who reject that premise are odd, crazy and must be tamed or silenced.

Well enough, I don’t buy it and if you buy it have bought it I ask that you give it some thought… because it is all BULLSHIT!!