parent like no one is watching

I think as people and as parents we get all caught up in what people will think.
when pregnant with my second child, my eldest decided to pull a tantrum in Marshall Fields State Street store. I was BIG pregnant and the boys are about 18 months apart. we were in the jewelry make up area, because all i could treat myself to was earring or lipstick as nothing else made any sense.
in all honesty I feel that the tantrum was partly my fault. We were leaving some fun toddler activity and I asked my aunt wanted to stop and get something at Fields. I was along for the ride.
well my son was not having it and stretched out in the middle of a main aisle. he yelled in his loudest outdoor voice and kicked his hard bottom shoes in the air.

I dont know what made me do it, but I got on the floor and screamed and kicked too. after a moment he stopped and watched me in horror.

“My son wont use his words” i yelled. “I try to be a good mommy” I screamed. little hands grabbed my arm. “No mommy.
mommy get up.
its okay mommy
i am okay mommy”

I asked his was he sure. he was and said he would use his words.
several people were appalled, but the two ladies that helped my big pregnant self off the floor smiled. “well done” one man whispered.

we had no more tantrums and all it took was me not caring what people thought about me or my baby.

and me thinking about what my baby needed most right then.

about the young man beaten in Baltimore by his mother

about the young man beaten in Baltimore by his mother

I went because in the past, a lot of my friends been beaten, killed, abandoned, hurt by the police—so I went down there just to fight for what I stand for...” – Michael  Singleton

the struggle is real

He wasn’t looting,

he was protesting.

My only issue is that at 16 yo, if I tell you to stay in the house…

you better stay in the house and work on changing my mind.

I am the adult and love you and am responsible for you

heart hand
and if you do disobey me

I AM NOT GOING TO BEAT YOU ON THE STREET!!

there will be consequences, serious fucking consequences,

but you are no man’s slave/property, not even mine!

amazed black man

My thoughts of Education, Chicago Public Schools, disparate opportunity. WARNING: I AM GOING IN!!!

There is rampant, open and notorious disparity in Chicago Public Schools.
NOT ALL NEIGHBORHOOD SCHOOLS ARE CREATED EQUAL
NOT ALL SELECTIVE ADMISSION SCHOOLS ARE CREATED EQUAL
NOT ALL MAGNET SCHOOLS ARE CREATED EQUAL

this is just CPS

NOW, compare the best of CPS to University of Chicago Laboratory School.
why?

this is where Barack, Arne and Rahm sent or send their children. what do the people who make educational policy for our children want for their own is a good place to start your analysis

WARNING:
I AM GOING IN!!! – Education _ schools – CPS

There are threshold facts needed to be discussed prior to a real discussion about education, especially public education, particularly Chicago Public Schools.

To begin, we must address that we as citizens and or parents have a right to quality public education in our city.
Chicago has a particularly twisted history of segregation and inequality.
References to what “we had, back in the day “, as good enough are not relevant standards as the playing field has and continues to change.

ACCESS TO QUALITY EDUCATION DRAMATICALLY IMPACTS QUALITY OF LIFE, SOCIO ECONOMIC OPPORTUNITY, AND ACCUMULATION OF GENERATIONAL WEALTH.

1. Public education was designed to train workers. THE MOVE FROM AMERICA AS AN INDUSTRY BASED ECONOMY FROM A FARM BASED ECONOMY. That is part of why it is run like a factory.

2. Black americans must get clear that they(educational elite and politicians) don’t want us to learn or think – “be able to fill out job application” PennyPritzker, former CPS board member and friend of PBO. Ramh Emmanuel believes over half of CPS gets aren’t worth an education and will allow for profit charter schools to exploit the communities.

3. We have to accept that we are the products of a factory system and learn what real education looks like.

4. We have to understand that changes in US economy means that workers aren’t trained for jobs anymore, but now are trained to be prisoners of the prison industrial complex.

5.The educational elite believe that certain people don’t deserve a quality education, because then no one will want to mow the lawns and make the beds.

6. To begin to appreciate what real education looks like – look were the powerful send their children. compare, demand and accept nothing less. &. the fight for education is directly related to systemic racism and income inequality

factors to evaluate:
class size.
teacher experience/education
professional development
professional support and planning
resources – library, computers, field trips, books, instruments
curriculum – art, music, fine arts, plus the three “r’s”
finally – think on this.

nothing is free.

your tax dollars are used to pay for the dismal excuse of education that is CPS.

this is happening on your watch

Are there things that you mother said to you, that you would never say to your child?

My mother told me not to let boys know that I was smart, because men don’t like smart women.

I told my daughter that there are men who are not intimidated by smart women, they may be outnumbered by those who are… but they exist.adichie not afraid of intimidating men

Mother’s Love, Apron strings and my thoughts on parenting

Mother’s Love and Growing Up

So, here is my theory on parenting:lil teamRomeo

  • Approach everything with LOVE first, especially when you want to smack the taste out of their little (or not so little) mouth.
  • What is the lesson you want the child to learn? Are you an example of that, reinforcing that? Get creative. This is more than your legacy. This is their LIFE.be the person
  • Your job as a Parent is to put yourself out of a job. You children should grow up to be the most whole and happy and capable adult possible. You are going to participate in the creation of a new PEER!
  • Failures and setbacks are a “WE” analysis.  clair huxtable big funSuccesses and accomplishments are a “YOU” (the kid) analysis.
  • Your Children do not belong to you. They are not property.sidney get off my back They owe us nothing that we haven’t taught them and we owe them everthing.
  • If you believe in a Divine creator, when asked about your care of the souls placed in your care, what will your answer(s) be?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
  • As a mother, whether a single mother or not, KNOW that no one is going to stand with you and GIVE NO FUCKS!!! kerry washington fuck you smile
  • An elementary school Principal told me to cut the apron strings. I told her that I had been such a hellion all my life that my only way in to heaven was to be a really good mother. “So buckle up BITCH – it’s going to be a long bumpy ride”bette-davis-bumpy-ride-gif
  • A high school principal accused me of being a helicopter parent. – I told her that I was in fact a jellyfish parent – floating graceful and beautifully near, ready to sting at a moment’s notice, seemingly without notice, but never without cause.jellyfish
  • Parenting is a RIDE OR DIE propositions. I have always told my children that I will march through heaven and hell for them, but it better not be over some BS because when I get back –I’m coming for them.
  • Teach history, personal, family cultural history. Focus on goals not limitation – give children roots – to grow and Wings to soar.

That being said.

At some point, there is a milestone that signals the end of your job as all knowing, doing parent to the  trusted confidant, adviser parent…

Sending my first to college – I became physically ill and took to my bed for 24 hours.

Sending the second to college – I became physically ill and had to stop and throw up on the side of the road.

Sending my third off to college. I dyed my hair blonde.

WIN_20150207_094507

SHIT HAPPENS

They Know Me Here

This is my Costco. They know me here.

Not in a Norm of CHEERS kind of everybody knows my name,

cheers

But in a people who make a living wage and have benefits are pleasant and friendly and I am too.costco

So I am hanging out with a friend and the weather I Chicago turns bad.

I know, bad weather in Chicago in the winter. We were so surprised.

I offered to take her home, but asked if she minded a quick stop at Costco. You see it is winter in Chicago and I really like the Kirkland brand bottled margarita and if I a single mother of three, strongly believe in staying stocked up especially in the winter. Just in case.LSD snowbound

She isn’t familiar with MY Costco and I tell her… yeah. They know me there.

Right after Thanksgiving, I was there and my check out person, asked where my kids were.

I told her they were all back in school until Christmas break.

The woman working at the next checkout lane, said, “yeah, remember when the boys came in… they were on their way back to school.”

She smiled at me. “Yes,” she said. “But your daughter is in college too?”

“Yes mam” I answered. “I am an empty nester.”

“Good for you!” She beamed at me. “You have great kids.” The other woman agreed.

I thanked them.

“When you are rowing the boat alone, it is really good to hear that your efforts are working. Thank you.. Really, thank you.” I said goodbye and walked toward the exit.

I made a mental note to tell the kids about the good report. Remind them that I love them and respect them, am so very proud of them.

The man who works the exit said hello.

“Hi” I answered, back from my reverie… “Where are the kids?” He asked.

I shared this story with my friend on the way in, we laughed.. Yep

They know me here.

After a pleasant shopping trip which I think also counts as Cardio –

if you walk the store at a brisk pace, talking and pushing an increasingly heavy cart.

We made our purchases and headed for the exit.

The young man working the exit complimented my hair. (My response to my last child going away to college was to dye my hair.)

“I like your color” he said.

“Thank you”, I replied, for a moment feeling hip and relevant. “It was my daughter’s idea.”

“Yeah,” he nodded toward my direction. “She’s the thick one with green hair?”

“Yes”, I sighed… I am still struggling with the green hair.

“Yeah… that’s cool. Creative. I like that.”

“Thanks” I answered trying not to look at my friend who was cracking up.

“They know you here.” She could barely get the words out between laughing and pushing her cart.

“I know right… I told you!

This is my Costco

They know me here”

The privilege of parenting

There is a difference between dropping your kids, failing them and letting go of your kids, freeing them.
Never picking up your Kids for visitation, not knowing their friends, not taking time to bonding in anyway that’s dropping.
Feels awful to be dropped! Feels awful to drop.
Letting go is being in relationship but giving up the privilege of parenting. Giving up the responsibility of parenting. But still being in relationship.
Trusting that the child may love the relationship but has outgrown being parented. Whether or not you have to poured your whole love your whole life into your children or not it is still so hard to let go. To trust your lovely loving little bird to spread its wings and Fly.
If you truly done your job your little bird is more prepared to fly than your heart can comprehend and the privilege of parenting is well served