My soul is not ignorant and I stand in my truth

Iyanla Vanzant talks about her relationship with her mother being strained.
she later learned that her biological mother had died after her birth and that the mother she had been told was her mother was in fact her stepmother and father’s second wife.
She used the phase

“my soul was not ignorant”

that really stuck a nerve with me.
as a newborn I was given by my unmarried mother to her married and childless sister.

I WAS AND AM SO LOVED.11329822_10205592593607229_2191374268122518787_n
my mother and father treated me with unabridged love and adoration. I was their PrincessRoyal. my aunt loved me with wild unabashed abandon.

but my soul knew she was my mother and all my loving caregivers said she was not.

I began to distrust my intuition and instincts.

I was so clearly wrong and confused.

My soul said “there are lies here. Secrets”

my loving doting family said that was not true.

is it any wonder that I loved and tolerated so many liars
having been so loved and well cared for by liars.

so when he said he loved me… and my soul said “BULLSHIT”
i believed him and stayed in spite/despite every instinct in my body screamed for me to

Dee at SMU “run, don’t walk – RUN TO THE NEAREST EXIT
do not pass go and fuck that $200.00”

in the time since I learned about the lies, I have given a lot of thought to
my life and the
people and
things I give the
time of day.

‘friends’ have fallen away and lovers have been turned away

my view of the world, while constantly evolving has been shaken to its very foundations

I have sought forgiveness and given it – to my self, from myself
My Soul is not ignorant and my heart is broken

I am bloodied and unbowed.

and now I know a lie when I hear it.

and I don’t feel the need to distrust my instincts

and I don’t mourn bullshit and cherish sadness

and I don’t cling to things that are bad for/to me

My soul is not ignorant and I stand in my truthWIN_20150127_172443

Author: pdeedixon

Woman. Mother. Lawyer. Black. RaceWoman. Womanist. Feminist. LBGTQQPIA ally. divorced

One thought on “My soul is not ignorant and I stand in my truth”

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