One of my good girlfriends asked me what I was doing for Valentine’s Day.
I told her about the care packages I was preparing for my children and getting started on my taxes.
She spoke slowly as if she thought it would help me understand. It did.
I realized that I didn’t have any plans for myself for valentine’s Day. So often as women we are caregivers to a houseful of people and not to ourselves. I have slipped into that mindset but like they tell you on the plane, put the oxygen mask over your mouth then attend to children and others in your area.
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence,
it is self-preservation,
and that is an act of political warfare.”― Audre Lorde
So I sat out to have a plan to do for myself for Valentine’s Day.
What to do for Valentines when you are on your own.
Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love.
I have always advocated that self-love is the first love and the most important. So that is where I will start
If you aren’t already loving yourself truly, madly, deeply, now is the time to Start. I used to love and celebrate myself… I forgot and stopped.
And I figured out how to begin.
How do I date myself, care for myself?
So, according to the ancient Greeks there are seven types of love. These are:
Agape – the love of humanity
Storge – family love
Pragma – love which endures
Philautia – self-respect
Philia – shared experience
Ludus – flirting, playful affection
Eros – romantic and erotic love
My template in place, IF I was going to date myself I would find a way to fulfill each type of love.
Agape – I would find a way to celebrate humanity.
When is the last time that you volunteered? I could not answer that question.
It was so long ago. And while thought it was an excellent idea, I didn’t have time to find a place.
How else could I give to humanity? Time to make a donation.
A cash donation to one charity and gently used clothes to another.
Even something as small as sending Valentines to all you love, will take you out of yourself and into the world.
So I have made a plan to give of myself, for Valentine’s Day.
Storge- As a child, Valentine’s Day was fun and candy with family.
As a mother, I enjoyed assisting in the preparation of classroom valentines and showering my kids with sweet kisses and surprises.
My children have been my Valentines for some time and will continue to be.
A gift and flowers for my Nana.
check and check!
Pragma– new knowledge has an enduring quality. A class or date with a book, there is something, many things that I have put off doing. Here is an excuse to move those back burner ideas to the front and center.
I am a big reader A Woman’s Worth by Marianne Williamson and
We Should All be Feminist by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie topped my list to re-read and – I just got
I have been wanting to travel and could use a new passport.
I have been wanting to learn how to write code and to learn French…
Philautia – this is a great time to treat myself to a spa day. A good mani- pedi- facial-massage or any combination thereof. On a tight budget? How about a DIY spa day. I love pampering myself.
Philia– Where my party people at?!?! You know your crew. Who is down for a party? Some of my best times are spent with friends catching up, at lunch or dinner. Or rambling aimlessly through the Auto show? How many museums in Chicago are free during February?
Yep – the Auto Show and Museums. The Art Institute is one of my favorites, and the Chicago History Museum and the Field Museum are free weekdays in February.
Ludus – What would you do for your lover? What would you want a lover to do for you? These are the questions that I asked myself. Do it for yourself!! It is amazing to me that so often we balk at doing for ourselves what we would do for a lover.
Eros– part of being in love is vulnerability to passion. When was the last time you dated and courted and seduced yourself?
Not in the psychotic my boyfriend lives in Canada way. In a honestly I just enjoy my own company way.)
I could send myself a card, or write myself a letter about how much I love me… really… take a moment and really see and appreciate myself.
I was flooded with questions!
How old is my current sex toy and why do I have only one?
In an intimate relationship – I was the girlfriend who gave you something you could show your friends and something… that you… kept to yourself.
why should I be any different, any less with myself.
A nice piece of jewelry and I am good to go. I am treating myself to a public gift and a private one.
say no more!